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Autumn of Love Birds do it, bees to it, even educated older couples can, too. Here’s some straight talk about sex after 60. 
Society’s view of aging women as sexless is wrong. “Many of us are having the best sex of our lives. We are having hot, fabulous sex after 60,” says Joan Price, author of “Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty” (Seal Press, 2006). Some 70 percent of sexually active women over 60 reported being as satisfied or more satisfied with their sexual lives than they were in their 40s, according to a 1998 survey of nearly 1,300 Americans aged 60 or older, conducted by the National Council on Aging, Washington, D.C. “My experience certainly supports that,” says Price, who also is a dance instructor, fitness professional, speaker and health writer. “In my 40s, I was unnerved by the realization that my sex life was being affected by undeniable signs and feelings of aging. Now I’ve grown past wanting to hold onto to youth in the bedroom, and as a result I feel truly present with my lover and capable of intense satisfaction.” Changes after menopause make sexual enjoyment challenging, but “we’re using our creativity, our personal power, the joy and intimacy of our relationships, and useful tools of all sorts — from sex toys to a sense of humor — to tackle those challenges,” Price says. The book is mainly about her intensely up-front-and-personal story of hot sex with her 68-year-old lover, Robert, whom she married earlier this year, along with snippets of interviews with other sexually seasoned women about their experiences. “Sexual response is in our brains. I’m in love with the man I’ve been looking for my whole life, whom I met when I was 57 and he was 64,” says Price, now age 61. “We’re as turned on by each other as a couple of teenagers, but with the juicy addition of decades of life experience, self-knowledge, communication skills and a sense of humor. We’re also willing to experiment and stretch our boundaries.” Kaycee, age 66, says, “Keep an open mind. Remember that there is always something new to try and so many men out there. Sex after 60 could be the best time of your life if you play it right.” Price adds that “we overcome the physical challenges by being inventive and resourceful. We take advantage of the lessened urgency by slowing things down, taking more time.” You call that ‘older’? Unfortunately, society has not become more accepting of older-age sexuality. “One day I watched some television talk shows about the sexiness of older women. They dressed sexy, pole-danced, and taught the audience how to strip. But these so-called ‘older’ women were probably in their 40s! I’d like to see women who admit and look like they’re over 60 on these talk shows, rousing other older women to assert their sexuality. We need to accept that women can and do stay sexy through the decades, and it doesn’t stop when we no longer can hide the wrinkles or saggy skin.” Claire, age 66, says, “I think my body is great. I have all the wrinkles and brown spots, and that’s fine, that’s who I am. And the body works better than it ever has. The woman I’m with thinks I’m the most beautiful woman she’s ever seen in her life, which makes me feel great. I wish women could just learn to love their bodies like I have done, and refuse to buy the social stuff that’s out there about youth and beauty. We are all beautiful.” Phoebe, age 64, says, “Generally my life is easier, less driven, so sex is a part of it rather than a driving force. It is easier not being controlled by my hormones and sex drive. Also, I feel very self-confident about my sexuality and attractiveness, pleased that I am attractive to others, even younger men.” One of Price’s major messages is that boomers are redefining aging and sexuality. “We’re the Love Generation; we practically invented sex,” she says. “We’re not about to shut the gates now!” Here are some tips to keep sex vibrant and fun as you age: 1. Slow down. Yes, it takes longer to warm up. Fortunately, aging partners also experience an absence of urgency and enjoy slow sex. Make sex play last hours, or days. 2. Kiss and kiss. Kiss sweetly, passionately, quickly, slowly, contentedly, hungrily, lightly and sloppily. Kissing helps you bond with your partner, so warm up, and enjoy the moment. 3. Appreciate, decorate and celebrate your body. Whether you choose jewelry, lingerie, feathers, fringe, silk, velvet, candlelight, whatever looks good, feels good. 4. Do sexy things before you hit the sheets. Dance together. Visit lingerie or sex-toy shops. Give each other little gifts. 5. Get yourself in the mood. Wear sexy lingerie under your everyday clothes. Work out. Swim. Dance. 6. Make love during high-energy times. Instead of midnight sex after a romantic meal (which leaves us full, bloated and ready to sleep), make daytime sex dates. Why do you think they call it “afternoon delight”? 7. Take advantage of erotic helpers. An older woman’s hormonally challenged bodies may need extra help to reach orgasm. Sex toys are easy to find, fun to try, and they work! 8. Use a silky lubricant. An older woman’s lack of natural moisture hardly matters, given all the choices of lubricants that feel great and bring back the joy of friction. When your partner applies it, it becomes an erotic part of sex play. 9. Enjoy quality snuggle time. Holding each other before, during and after, feeling the warmth and texture of each other’s skin, is one of the sweetest and sexiest parts of making love. 10. Laugh a lot. Play silly games, invent special words, tease each other, and rediscover your childhood together. Laughter is bonding, joyful, ageless — and sexy.[sidebar] |
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