 |
||||
Keep the Home Fires Burning A long-term relationship doesn’t mean you’re doomed to lackluster lovemaking – here are tips for transforming a snooze-worthy sex life into one that sizzles 
There’s no question that you and your partner love each other, but maybe you’ve been together so long that these days you both could use a little extra motivation to make stripping down and hitting the sheets sound more tantalizing than tiring. OK, for starters, how about improved health and wellbeing? In a 10 year study of 2,500 men ages 45 to 59, researchers from the University of Bristol and Queen’s University of Belfast found that men who have three or more orgasms a week are 50-percent less likely to die from coronary heart disease. In addition, not only does sex help both men and women burn calories, studies have shown that it can boost immunity, improve blood pressure, reduce pain, relieve stress and promote better sleep, says Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of “The Secrets of Happily Married Men” (Jossey-Bass, 2005) and “The Secrets of Happily Married Women” (Jossey-Bass, 2008). Maintaining a consistent sex life will also help you feel more connected with your partner, thanks in part to the release of oxytocin, known as the “pair bonding” or “love” hormone, says Lissa Coffey, Ph.D., a relationship expert and author of “What’s Your Dosha, Baby?: Discover the Vedic Way for Compatibility in Life and Love” (Da Capo Press, 2004). And, adds Haltzman, while sex alone does not define an excellent relationship, studies suggest that 15- to 20-percent of a couple’s happiness is directly impacted by how fulfilling their sex life is. If it’s been a while, the key to getting back into the swing of things is less about the act itself, and more about creating a playful sense of anticipation. Take a cue from TV dating shows and get physical together, outside the bedroom, advises Coffey. “The reason these programs have the couples go bungee jumping or zip-lining is that it gets that adrenalin pumping, releases endorphins and provides an instant bonding experience,” she says. It isn’t necessary to be quite that daring, but think of other active things you can do together to get your hearts racing, such as scrambling up a local rock climbing wall, jumping off the high dive at the community pool or even just going for a high-speed bike ride through the neighborhood. When you return home, take a steamy shower together or massage each other’s achy muscles and see where it leads. Going on official dates is another way to make you feel more romantic, Haltzman says, but be sure to go someplace new and interesting, such as open-mike night at a comedy club, a quirky karaoke bar or an Ethiopian restaurant where you eat with your hands. You can also amp up the novelty by agreeing to meet up at a particular bar but pretending you’ve never met before, or looking through the personal ads together, selecting the most interesting entries and then playing those characters for the night. If you’d prefer to hang out at home, remember that a little spontaneity goes a long way, Coffey says. Surprise your spouse with a picnic dinner in the backyard, turn up the radio and dance barefoot on the lawn, order Chinese take-out and swap out the fortunes in the cookies with your own flirtatious versions, or sit down and play an actual game together. “Games are more exciting when there’s something to win,” Coffey says, “So give Strip Scrabble a go, or get out the Wii and make some sexy bets.” All these activities are meant to keep the mood light and help you relax and have fun; but also consider this: sometimes the way to feel like a teenager again is as easy as acting like one. “Couples who have been together for a long time often forget to do the simplest of things, such as holding hands, groping each other or kissing,” Haltzman says. Getting back to some of those basics could actually be your quickest route back to getting under the covers. |
||||
|
||||
